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 Being on the “inside” of the Hollywood system has its perks! Trust me, I know first hand. However, for every perk there is a potential landmine waiting to strike. This past week I learnt two important lessons about survival in “our” town. The first was in regards to a random act of kindness based on loyalty and commitment; the second lesson was about betrayal and the ever consuming intoxication of the “ego” and overnight successes…
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 When Samuel L. Jackson first signed on to star in the film called “Snakes on a Plane”, he had one simple rule – DON’T CHANGE THE TITLE! He was right. The title says it all. “Snakes on a Plane.” In a town full of pretentious idiots who put out dreck with shitty confusing titles like “The Shawshank Redemption” and “Syriana” or “Goodnight and Goodluck,” it’s very refreshing to come across a script like the one that was “Snakes on a Plane.” No bullshit. No hidden agenda. Just Sam Jackson, a plane and some snakes. When I was asked to do a rewrite on the project I was besides myself. How could a dream project like that fall into my lap – and the lap of about 6 other writers (lol). I didn’t tell anyone about it as happening in fear that I would curse the project. Frankly, I was glad to have the work – and I treated it with 100% professionalism. Well the project is now wrapped and will be out in 5 months. The best part is that “Snakes” has tremendous buzz in the Internet already and is expected to be a huge hit. The producers know they have a hit on their hands so they were nice enough to “pay it forward” and reward some of the key players with surprise bonuses! Mine came in the shape of a 1956 Ford Classic! Since I got this car as result of my work on Snakes on a Plane I thought it was only right to “name it” and “break it in” pronto. I drove “The Snake Cage” up the coast to Santa Barbara this weekend and brought along a young friend of mine. We got a bed and breakfast near the Ocean. The people next door complained about the sound of our love making. When I make love, I ride them hard and put them to bed wet. They said it sounded like someone “was making homemade pasta.” Long story short – I love this freaking car and will cherish its beauty and design. It’s like overnight I became a certified grease monkey. I’m also thinking of having some work done on it soon: new seats, new dash, new wheels, electric windows, paint, body work, etc. Either way, the gift was a great surprise and a total class act. Sadly I can’t say the same thing about the guys from a certain U.K. band that I helped get to the top…
 As some of you may or may not know, for the last 3 and ½ years I have been a huge fan and supporter of a local L.A. based band called Orson. In the 7 years that they struggled to make it in “this business” they had zero success. Repeat: ZERO SUCCESS. There was a moment about 3 years ago where A&R people like me took notice of the band – but since Maroon 5 was signed no one needed Orson. Besides, the members of Orson were almost 40 years old each – hard to market to teens. Although they played 8 times a year to sold-out audiences of “300 people” in the local Hollywood scene, the five band members still needed to support themselves by doing various jobs: hairdresser, Universal tour guide, telemarketer, doorman at “Toi” resturaunt and towel-boy at “Splash.” In all the years I knew them I always supported Orson, last year I went on a limb and promoted them so heavy they actually ended up getting notice based solely on my recommendation. I won’t bore you with the facts – however, this is 100% documented. I know it. The Industry knows it. And the management and members of Orson know it. Long story short: AFTER my endorsement… band got signed to CAA management; Mercury Records UK, Universal publishing, booked on Duran Duran tour, had number one song “No Tomorrow” on U.K. charts, etc. Again – all documented. You would think that they would at least show a minor amount of gratitude towards me, right? Well, they are apparently under the delusion that they “would have got signed anyways” due to their sheer brilliance! Trust me – NO ONE was pushing this band anywhere, let alone England. I contacted the band a few times and they were “nice” enough to send me a few “cheers mate” letters and emails. The real deal breaker occurred when I sent their lead singer Jason and email asking for an address where I could send the band 5 of my custom made t-shirts. He ignored my email for a week before finally replying: “Brett, your level of enthusiasm for our band is growing tired. You had a minor or peripheral role in our success. You act as if you wrote our songs and selected the band members. None of this is true. We have a serious and well oiled management team backing us. We don’t need you spamming our message boards and contacting our friends about what you think you have done for us. Our destiny was based on our work ethic, not your self promotion. Get a grip, mate. If we want 5 crappy ass t-shirts, we'll let you know. Until then: Hit the road, Tubby! And stop stalking us or we will seek legal action – Jason”
If these fuckers want a war, they have one! Listen up you bald headed, suit wearing bitches – I GAVE YOU YOUR FUCKING CAREER! WITH OUT ME YOU WOULD STILL BE IN LOS ANGELES AND UNKNOWN CALLING YOUR BOSSES AT TOI ASKING IF YOU “CAN HAVE TUESDAY NIGHT OFF.” MUST FEEL NICE BEING ABLE TO PAY FOR CABLE TV. I CAN’T BELIEVE I BACKED YOU BAND. BTW – YOU MAKE “AIR SUPPLY LOOK LIKE METALLICA!!!”
DON'T CROSS THE BOSS!
BRETT
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