The last three months have been some of the most challenging in my life – both
career-wise and personally. I have suffered through two great losses. First I lost
the love of my life, my girl Robin. To be honest, I treated Robin like a queen. I
introduced her to many famous people, I took her to many “a-list” Hollywood parties,
I took her out to dinner to some of the finest restaurants on the west coast, and
opened my home to her – more importantly - I opened my bed to her. Was she after my
fame? Maybe… I shoulda known better. She was a woman I truly respected and honored.
In fact, I worshiped the ground she walked on. Was I “blinded by pussy?” Maybe… As if
Robin leaving me for a karate instructor wasn’t bad enough, my world was rocked even
harder when my best friend – my dog “Lucky” was taken from me while jogging in Runyon
Canyon. The little guy never had a chance. I know it wasn’t my fault. However, I often
wonder if there was anything I might have done to bring to bring these bad things upon
myself. Of course, there wasn’t anything I could think of. My friend Henry Rollins was
worried. He gave me a copy of the book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People.” I never
read books – but the gesture was touching. In fact, the support from my friends in our
industry has been overwhelming. My website has been another story. Although a majority
of the people who visit here are supportive, there is a small majority who seem to think
that attacking a famous rock journalist is funny. Whatever…
On the upside - My TV show is now officially happening! Needless to say, I’m pumped.
The first episode looks pretty amazing – I think this will leave all the haters “high
and dry.” I am as happy as a journalist can be. They say if a person believes in himself
and pursues their dream long enough, then their dreams will become their reality. I now
know this firsthand. I have to give props to my manager Jace – without his help I would
be stuck simply writing reviews and columns. To be honest, I’m getting bored with just
writing about rock and roll. After twenty years as a noted “ink-slinger” – my old friend
B.B. King said it best - “The Thrill is Gone!” The TV show has also allowed me access to
many talented Hollywood writers and producers. Some of these guys think I have what it
takes to get myself on the movie screen – particularly after seeing my “First Blood”
screen-test tape. I can’t argue with them – I nailed it in one take! On the downside –
there is this war in Iraq…
As a person who is half-Irish and half-Jewish - as well as parts Italian and Cherokee
Indian - I have strong feelings about this war. I support our troops. Having been in
Vietnam I know what our troops are up against. The protests against this war not only
hurt our troops abroad, it also hurts us here at home. Troop morale is important. If you
are in the services and board a plane to the Middle-east, the last thing you want to see
is some frizzy-haired, heavy-set, sandal-clad, welfare-sucking, draft-dodging,
air-stealing, NPR-listening loser holding a sign that says: “No War For Oil!” Oil is
freaking important, but this war isn’t about oil, it is about justice. Don’t believe
me? I dare you to visit my hometown of New York City! Ever hear of something called
9/11 –not the William Shatner show- I’m talking about the World Trade Center. In case
you didn’t know - IT IS GONE! Two weeks ago I was driving through Hollywood on my way
to Gwen Stefani’s house in Los Feliz for a VIP party. Like an idiot, I made my way down
from the hills onto Hollywood Boulevard. Little did I know that 2,000 toothless-air-thiefs
had decided to attack the headquarters of CNN. While moving slowly through the “stop and
go” traffic on Hollywood Boulevard, a group of protestors walked in front of my car. A
heavy-set-militant lezbo dragged her dumbass sign that read - “IMPEACH BUSH NOW” (Rather
ironical coming from a carpet Queen, no?) - across my hood – drawing a scratch. In short,
she scratched my hood with no regard for my feelings. I jumped from my ride and screamed:
“Yo, Bitch! What’s your problem?” My attacker and her ugly friends did an about face and
approached me in a menacing manner. Mind you, I have never really hit a woman before, but
my blood was boiling. The protestor screamed: “You want a piece of me?” I looked her
mullet-capped bloated body and thought to myself “God, no!” I warned her not to approach,
but she kept coming…
As somewhat of a “martial arts” expert, I was reluctant to engage in battle with these
people. However, I was being attacked and had to defend myself, as well as my car. After
pulling a full “Daniel-son Karate Kid Crane” stance, I was soon set upon by my attacker.
She punched like a girl – only harder. I was knocked back two steps. I had no choice but
to pull out some serious moves. What I did next was legendary. I decided to go to my
“Jeff ‘Shark fin’ Simpson” bag-o-tricks. I went with the ever-popular “Chinese Tomahawk
Swing-kick.” In a full-motion 360 degree spin I watched my right foot pass her chubby
face and turn west towards the ocean only to reappear back again east and strike her right
cheek with full-force. Her whale-like body flew over my car like the Goodyear Blimp.
Regaining my stance I was quickly set upon by a “Tori Amos” wannabe who charged me
full-force with a can of mace. I quickly dove to the ground and threw a hefty “C. U.
Next Tuesday-punch” upwards to her passing crotch. Needless to say, they quickly
scattered like a bunch of roaches on a newly lit ghetto sink. Sometimes you have to
use force to send a message. Kinda like the war in Iraq…
A lot of you feel the war is over – well, it ain’t. People hate America, even though we
do good things. In fact, people hate me and I do great things. We all saw the “Saddam”
statue falling on the news. Some news sources say the statue was metal, others say it’s
cement – one source even claimed it was “full of nougat!” Whatever… Trust me, both Saddam
and Osama are alive and well. Again, this war wasn’t about oil. In addition to justice,
it was about the hatred for Jewish people. Since I’m half Jewish I take that personal.
Remember this: With out Jewish people there would be no such thing as Hollywood. For the
record, there never was or has ever been a nation known as Palestine. Stop whining.
War is hell – this I know first hand. At our best we “blow things up and kill people.” As
a journalist I keep my political views to myself. However, my Webmaster had recently
“crossed the line” by posting “his” views to this site against my wishes…
After receiving many requests for authentic “Rock and Roll Bad Boy” merchandise I decided
to open up an “online store.” The store is not a great source of income for me – bringing
in maybe $2,500 to $3,000 a month tops. Trust me - I don’t need the money. When it was
brought to my attention that my webmaster was running a scrolling banner on my home page
that read: “SUPPORT OUR TROOPS – CLICK HERE – SOME OF THE MONEY MIGHT GO TO THE
TROOPS!” – I flipped my lid. The click-link went to my online store. Sure online sales
went up slightly, but I never agreed to give any money to troops or their families. This
site is not a charity. This site is not political. This site is a forum for people to
talk about rock and roll music – and occasionally promote my side projects. My Webmaster
has been spoken to. He will not cross the line again. It’s been nearly 11 months since my
plane landed at LAX. In that time I have “fallen in and out of love,” lost many friends
and made many advances in my career. My national TV show is weeks away from airing. Am I
happy? You betcha. As Steve Perry once said: “Don’t Stop Believing!”
- Brett Meisner
The "Hollywood Hills"
April 9th, 2003
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The war is brewing while my TV Show is queing! I didn't want to speak about the Iraq conflict, but my Webmaster forced me to after he used my name to make more money! The national TV Show is weeks away!
