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Image is everything! How you or your band present themselves will "make or break" your career. I can show you how to make a killer press kit - and leave them wanting more! THE CAMERA ADDS 10 POUNDS TO ANYONE!
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And now for part number two of "Meisner 101" - Your guide to Hollywood Survival!
PRESS KITS AND BAND PHOTOS: The proper press kit and band photo is sometimes more important than the
music itself. Having served as a “Rock Consultant” for numerous bands and labels throughout my career, I
have an insiders view on how the music industry reacts to a bands marketability. In the mid-80s, when labels
were looking for “new and younger” groups that they could cultivate, was hired by Geffen Records as a
“scout” – or “A&R” man, to find the next “Journey.” I received an interesting demo tape from a new band
called: "The Atomic Rain of Satin's Death." The music was pure kick ass rock and roll with a raw sense of angry
energy mixed with intense sexuality. I could look past the mispelling of Satan - that could be fixed.
But when I saw their photo from their press kit, I nearly took my own life. Let's analyze this and
see what's wrong with this picture.
Let's start with Renaldo Martin AKA - "Trooper." Can't read well.
Out of the gate his Alex Van Halen shades give him a +2 on the cool scale.
However, his overly tight "Members Only" coat earns him a -3 point fashion error.
Renaldo is what we call an "overly confident" rocker. His stage precense out "weighs" his talent!
Renaldo gets a plus for his photogenic style - he is serious, and this photo shows it!
The weight could be an issue - as most true heavy metal players aren't actually this "heavy!"
A bands backstage rider calls for the bands favorite foods. Somehow I feel he will never be satisfied.
Overall: Renaldo will probably beat up one or more of his band mates - which does not go over well on the road.
If he doesn't succeed as a bassist, he will probably make a killer roadie or door man.
Next we have Scott Fisher - AKA: "Snowball." Not his choice.
If Chris Farley had a band, he would be in it. In fact, he would be Chris Farley.
As I said before, the music industry can smell fear. Scott looks like he's seen the Exorcist for the first time!
The Martin Luther King black arm band might earn points with Spike Lee, but here it just seems... silly?
Having multiple chins is fine if your a Chinese real estate agent, but in this business it just means your fat.
Everyone's replaceable - even though his dad bought the P. A. - Sorry, Scott.
The hairline is also a problem. Scott will be bald by age twenty-five. Shiny - and stupid.
Not material for a rock band, Scott will make an excellent "fire watcher" or summer camp counselor.
Lead singer and band leader Craig Martinelli - AKA: "Tomahawk." He means business.
Need proof? Check out the tie! This is "Show Business" not "Show and tell!"
Hairstyle and clothes can make or break a band. Craig has secured their future.
The torn jeans let us know that a) He is a bad boy, and b) that his wild cock has torn up his pants.
With the focus of an eagle Craig will fly this band to the top!
Being the toughest guy in your school usually means you can sing!
It is always important to wear a polyester vest the same color as your T-top Camaro!
And finally, being a "date raper" doesn't count if you wear a tie!
Lead guitarist Tim Matthews - AKA: "Falcon." He might just kill you.
His intensity is frightening - seriously, look at him!
The whole "Logan's Run" outfit scares the piss out of me!
The "aggressive stance" is intimidating to say the least.
Am I a fag, or is this guy a freaking killer?
His pants rule! Silver polyester stretchers!
Okay. I fear for my life - this guy is serious! Look at the picture!
Kick-boxing is a great asset to any band. I mean that.
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